As most of you know, my mind is scattershot as all get out. Sometimes, it’s scattershot like buckshot. Others, it’s like fifteen eight-year olds throwing whiffle balls. Throw this one in the latter category.
But really, fellas, what would you do for Beyonce? Ladies, throw in some analogous male and participate in this, also.

So, what brings this on? Well, I was sitting on the couch this morning watching Bad Experience Television, and the video for “Soldier” came on. It’s a pretty trite record, but people seem to like it. It’s joints like those that make me wonder if I’m really a person.
Either way, Beyonce and her backup singers get on and start talking about the hoodlums they find to be attractive (never forget–they are from Houston), yadayadayada. Cats with waves, cats that flip money three ways, all that jazz. But Beyonce doesn’t just want a soldier…she knows there are soldiers willing to a million things for her.
Of course she’s right…I’d kick you–yes, you–down a flight of steps for the right to have her reject me. However, it seems I ain’t the soldier she’s looking for.
Could I be a soldier if it required simply puttin’ that on her? I’ll salute, pimpin.
But would I “take one for her?” Slow down there, shawty…
Take one what? Cuz I know she ain’t talkin about a hot cap. I know she ain’t talkin about lead. Take a bullet? You must be out your damn mind.
Nary a woman alive is gettin me to walk in front of a bullet. Nobody. If I had daughters, I’d view it differently, but this ain’t my seed. But those “soldiers” she’s talkin about…please. Think Jigga’s about to check out to keep her safe? He ain’t Kevin Costner, she ain’t Whitney Houston (thank goodness), and it ain’t happenin. The biggest Cap’n Save-A ain’t goin for that one. Well, maybe that Kobe Bean or Doug Christie, but nobody I’d roll with.
But really, what would you do for Beyonce, Serena Williams, or the unattainable woman of your dreams (switch the gender for you, ladies)? Would you take a ride to the hereafter for her? Would you even take a few punches to the face? Do you trust a big butt and a smile that much?
Talk to me…