Last year, Luther and I put together a raft of playlists to account for just about every possible Valentine’s Day scenario. Just a little something to help you get through or come through on this fictitious holiday.
Holiday my ass. Think this is a holiday, then don’t show up for work. You’ll probably get more “vacation time” than you can dream of.
Anyway, use these lists with caution. Add alcohol recreationally, not pharmaceutically. And show some love to your boy if these help you out.
And should you want any of these lists, holla at me and I might be able to help you get your hands on ’em.
Guaranteed
This list is money. Female tested, dude approved. If you play any combination of these songs and get nothing, you never will. It may be her, or it may be you. But if this doesn’t work, it will never be on.
Prince – Adore
Isley Brothers – Voyage to Atlantis
Art of Noise – Moments in Love
Silk – Lose Control
Marvin Gaye – Feel All My Love Inside
112 – Now That We’re Done
Janet Jackson – Any Time, Any Place
Curtis Mayfield – Give Me Your Love
R. Kelly – The Greatest Sex
Prince – When 2 R In Love
Teddy Pendergrass – Turn Off the Lights
Minnie Riperton – Inside My Love
Massive Attack – Weather Storm
Boyz II Men – 50 Candles
Bob Marley – Turn Your Lights Down Low
Tony!Toni!Tone! – (Lay Your Head On My) Pillow
Keith Sweat – How Deep Is Your Love
Isaac Hayes – The Look of Love
Barry White – Never Gonna Give You Up
Quincy Jones – Secret Garden
Out the Box
People wouldn’t think off top that these songs would set the mood, but they all tend to do a good job. More importantly, you might be able to play this list and it not look like you’re trying to get something cracking. That’s fantastic for those of you that operate on some stealth shit.
Devin the Dude – Briar Patch
Eightball and MJG – Space Age Pimpin
Funkadelic – Maggot Brain
Jimi Hendrix – Bold as Love
Jodeci – Freek’n You (remix, with Ghostface and Raekwon)
Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz – Ohh Na Na
Three 6 Mafia – Sippin on Da Syrup (brilliant Marvin Gaye sample)
OutKast – Funky Ride
Lovage – Sex (I’m A)
Glutton for Punishment
This is for all you suckas for love. So, you’re at the crib and wish you had someone to snuggle with. You don’t want anyone to make you feel better. You want to wallow in your misery. This is for you. And if you really wanna snap out of it, this should make you get a fuckin grip and man up. No one likes someone pathetic, pimpin. No one.
Lenny Williams – Because I Love You
Derek and the Dominoes – Bell Bottom Blues
PM Dawn – I’d Die Without You
Manhattans – (Let’s Just Kiss and) Say Goodbye
Boyz II Men – Lonely Heart
Jodeci – Cry for You
Al Green – damn near anything, but How Can You Mend A Broken Heart
Simply Red – Holding Back the Years
Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes – I Miss You
Aretha Franklin – It Hurts Like Hell
Temptations – I Wish It Would Rain
Dru Hill – In My Bed
Lenny Kravitz – It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over
Bill Withers – Better off Dead
Prince – Still Waiting
Rose Royce – I’m Going Down
Prince – Gotta Broken Heart Again
Carl Thomas – Emotional
Macy Gray – I Try
Natalie Cole – I’m Catching Hell
Stevie Wonder – Never Dreamed You’d Leave in Summer
Jackson 5 – Never Can Say Goodbye
Recorded Courage
So you want your woman back, ha? But you don’t have the fortitude to go win her love back? Put these on, jack. That should get you ready to go knock on her door and get it crackin. But, before you do that, let’s make sure of a few things.
1. Are you sober? Never make such a decision drunk.
2. Is she on a date? Last thing you wanna do is give this speech to an audience. Beyond simply being shamed, that nigga might try to whoop your ass.
So, proceed with caution.
Otis Redding – Open the Door
Luther Vandross – I’d Rather
Bobby Caldwell – What You Won’t Do for Love
Stevie Wonder – We Can Work It Out
Freddie Jackson – Rock Me Tonight
Jackie Wilson – To Be Loved (only because it worked for Prince Akeem)
Wilson Pickett – In the Midnight Hour
Spinners – Workin My Way Back To You
Sly and the Family Stone – If You Want Me to Stay
Jodeci – Come and Talk to Me
Otis Redding – I’ve Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now)
Temptations – Since I Lost My Baby
Al Green – For the Good Times
(S)he Ain’t Shit No Way
It’s Luther D., baby. Look, If she quit you, you don’t want that heifer no way. Can’t be lettin them put you through hoops and shit, man. So, you need to man the fuck up and recognize that she ain’t nothin’ but drama. Put this on. Matter of fact, put this on and go somewhere she might be that night and just shoot her ugly looks. Works great.
But really, if you play this list, chances are you’re talkin more shit than you mean. At least this’ll help you save face. Better to be like this than like those Cap’ns listenin to Bo’s lists
Dr. Dre – B*tches Ain’t Shit (optional, based upon your personal decency)
Tony!Toni!Tone! – My Ex-Girlfriend is a Ho
Spin Doctors – Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong
After 7 – ‘Til You Do Me Right
Bobby Womack – If You Think You’re Lonely Now
Ideal – Get Gone
Lou Rawls – You’re Gonna Miss My Loving
Prince – I Hate U
Teddy Pendergrass – I Don’t Love You Anymore
Marvin Gaye – Is That Enough? (works best if you’ve got an ex-wife)
Jaguar Wright – The What Ifs
Jefferson Airplane – Somebody to Love
Ohio Players – I Wanna Be Free
Counting Crows – Holiday in Spain
Phil Collins – I Don’t Care Anymore
And I’m gone. There will be a Dutch Masters recap tomorrow, complete with video. That’s right, we’ve got ’em in action.