Let’s get this started with some of the most double-taken things to happen at the conference.

1. JL King’s ridiculous idea
The undisputed champ of this list. For those unfamiliar, JL King is the brother that has brought this “down low” issue to the forefront. I guess it’s not his fault that people have been dumb enough to think this is anything new, nor is it his fault that people have totally distorted the issue on this one (whether your man is cheating on you with a man or a woman, the biggest problem comes when such a man does that without protection. That’s what brings the diseases around. Too much homophobia and shattered female ego gets thrown into this discussion to make it pragmatically relevant, though). It wasn’t even his fault that he said some wild things on Oprah (it turned out she blindsided him by asking him to talk about his book; he didn’t even have a copy of it yet when he appeared on her show).
It is his fault, though, that he let one bizarre suggestion fly from his lips. He said that a doctor told him of a good way for a woman to tell if her man is cheating on her with another man (never mind the problem with being entirely concerned with the gender of the other (wo)man). King said that the woman was an M.D./Ph.D, which meant that, “she had an M.D. and a Ph.D.”
Now, when he said that, I should have known something stupid was going to come next. Just shoulda known. The way he explained an M.D./Ph.D just sounded too uninformed to be followed by anything intelligent.
He says the doctor said that if a woman’s man comes home really late and he doesn’t say where he’s been, she should ask him if she can take an anal probe.
I said…He says the doctor said that if a woman’s man comes home really late and he doesn’t say where he’s been, she should ask him if she can take an anal probe.
I said…He says the doctor said that if a woman’s man comes home really late and he doesn’t say where he’s been, she should ask him if she can take an anal probe.
Instantly, the funny looks started flying all over the place…
But he wasn’t done.
After the anal probe, the woman should take a throat culture from her man. If he doesn’t gag, then he must have done something to dull that reflex, dig?
I said…eh, fuck it.
Fred had a great line on that one.
“What? I don’t even let the police search my car without a warrant.”
JR, also.
“He’s trying to get a lot of women hurt with that dumb shit.”
Ladies, let me warn you right fast. That’s not a technique to use if you’re unsure. Diggin in the back door? You better be positive of what’s going on before you do that one. That’ll get ugly fast, I promise.
And the throat culture? Naw, shawty. Naw.
But if he passes thsoe tests, will said woman feel better knowing that he might have just been laying the wood to another woman? The more I think about it, the more ridiculous this “down low” issue becomes.
2. Philip Michael Thomas
So, this may not have been Rico Tubbs himself, but we did see a gentleman with a brown suit that was nearly the same as his complexion, shades, a bit of a process…but no shirt. Instead, he had sprinkles of taco meat on his chest. And he audacity to think he was pimped out.
Also, we saw a gentleman with a perm that made him look just like Jimmy Bones. Also saw a dude that had the nerve to have a peroxide blob in the middle of a process. He looked like that dude in teh bathroom in the “Big Poppa” video with a yellow hole in his head.
Naw, shawty. Naw.
3. Superman
I didn’t witness this with my own eyes, but Fred and C-Dogg saw a dude at the liquor store with a cape tucked into a Superman shirt. No, I’m not making that up.
4. Jacque Reed
I guess it’s fairly safe to say that she and I are colleagues, so there is a necessary level of decorum. Just know this–she might be one of the twenty most beautiful women on Earth. Really, I mean that.
Also, should you be looking to meet a good-looking woman with a job, hang out in the lobby of the hotel where NABJ is being held. Trust me. Indy in ’06. Vegas in ’07.
5. ‘Nique
Ever watch a tape of Dominique Wilkins highlights? Here’s how dope the tape I saw was…
With him in the room, a room full of writers who have seen it all couldn’t contain themselves while watching him handle business. Even after all these years, he’s still my favorite player. My mule if he never won a race.
And no, he never won a race of any consequence.
****
Next up–Time Mellows a Brother. Many people were spared because of thsi increase in maturity, including one John Singleton.