Lots of people are too cool for Facebook.  I can’t pretend I am.  Once, I met a woman, got her phone number, called her, and got no response.  Hit her up on Facebook and, two years later, we were engaged.  No way I can act too good for Facebook after that.
I am, however, too cool to be your fan.  Who?  You.
You, the realtor.
You, the fraternity member.
You, the rapper that became my Facebook friend trying to mooch off my friends to push you album that I’ll never listen to.
You, the model with no aspirations to be in a magazine.
You, dammit.  That’s who.  Who.
Nothing like looking down at the Blackberry to find out someone you don’t know wants you to be a “fan” of something you don’t know anything about.  I’ll never knock people for trying to push their businesses.  Get your money.
But perhaps we need a different term than “fan.”  What’s an alternative term?  I really don’t know.
But I know that I’m a fan on Facebook of the following people/places/things…
Bob Marley, Randy Watson and Sexual Chocolate, The Beast, Roland TR-808, Cook Out, Pink Floyd, Devin the Dude, Blue Bell Ice Cream, Dave Chappelle, The Wire, Purple Rain, Serena Williams, aden, UGK4Life, Parliament/Funkadelic.
Now, ask yourself — do you, your homeboys, or your album belong on that list?
Did you write something as hot as “No Woman, No Cry?”  Do you believe the children are our future?  You ride for me like Freelon and Aden ride for me?  Can you make the most beautifullest “boom” the ear has ever heard?  Did you ever perform live at Pompeii?  Are you the greatest TV show ever?  Did your catsuit bring me and my father closer?  Are you Eddie Hazel?
None of those, eh?  Then you’ve got a looooong way to go before I become your fan.
So quit asking.