Okay, so lemme break down for you how this Outside the Lines thing wound up happening. Friday evening, I was in the kitchen whippin’ up a steak on the Foreman when I heard an e-mail notification on the computer. I go toward the computer and, at the same time, my phone started ringing. So with my left hand I’m trying to cue up the e-mail while getting my phone out my pocket with the right. By the time I finished reading the interview request, I’d finally gotten the phone to my face and was able to see it was Fred Batiste calling me. And I just said the first thing I could muster.
“I’m gonna be on mu’fuckin Outside the Lines, baby!”
Then I called my mother and told her I was going to be on ESPN on Sunday morning. Her response was, “how do I get to that?” I said, “you turn on the television.” I’m guessing she just thought I was gonna be online or something, not TV. Hell, I wouldn’t imagine that I’d be on TV.
I’ll tell you this–she figured it out quick. Early Sunday, I sent an e-mail blast out to my folks to let ’em know I’d be on TV. My cousin Alan replied with the following.

Thanks for the heads up cousin, but you’re a little late. You have to start REAL early to beat the “Proud Mama Network”. Already have the VCR set!


Spent Saturday tracking down a barber shop–mine was closed–and doing an impromptu Encyclopedia Brown impression as I tried to figure some things out as I considered the timeline offered by both sides in the alleged crime. Nothing special, really (except for the trip to the barber shop, which I’ll discuss when that becomes appropriate).
Wake up Sunday and can’t find my suit. Somehow, it wound up in a laundry hamper in my storage closet. So not good, pimpin. Emergency pressing was in the house, but I got it done for the most part. Had the jacket done well enough to pass on TV and the pants enough so that the people at the studio wouldn’t laugh at me. Shoes? Waist-up shot, baby. Had on the Nike Shox Classix, shit.
Anyway, got there just on time after thinking I was lost. The show taped live. So I got there at 9:00, but I couldn’t find anyone. The door was open, but no one was anywhere. So I violated one of my general rules in life–I started walking around looking for people. When you’re from Texas, you understand that’s a great way to have your name changed to “Anotherloverholeinyhead.”
So I head left down some corridor, and I see a tall black gentleman with a dark colored jacket and tie on, so I wondered if he was a security guard. I said, “excuse me, I’m here to record a segment for Outside the Lines.” And buddy didn’t say anything back. I knew he could hear me, so I waved my hand. And when I waved my hand, he waved his hand.
And it turned out to be a mirror. I peeked my head in an office, but no one was in there. Looked up, and I had the beejeezus scared out of me when I looked back up and saw some dude standing at the end of the hallway.
Yeah, it was me again.
And I made that same mistake at least one more time.
Not bright am I.
Anyway, we got it all straight and led me to the room where we were recording. If you’ve never done anything like this, just always know the rooms look like warehouses with a small background set up. They do amazing work with that. When you see the MJ documentary I’m in–if you choose to see it, that is–you’ll be amazed to find out the shots were done either in a hotel room in the Millennium UN Plaza in New York or the Thistle Bloombury in London. They do amazing work with those screens.
But the problem was that I sat in the seat at 9:15 or so and was there until I was set to go on the air. They affixed the earpiece, and I was too stupid to notice at it was done in a way that made it impossible to move my neck. So there I am in the chair, shooting off text messages to let folks know I’d be on after the Barry Bonds discussion–I myself was worried that I wasn’t airing that day, even though I was told that would be the progression of the show two days before.
And I sat a little while longer and got a little bit stiff. Various people in Bristol came through the earpiece to keep me apprised of what was going on, and Bob Ley came on at one point to let me know I was going to be coming on soon. All good.
Then a woman said that I’d be on in a “second.” Or a “moment.” Something like that.
Whatever the word choice, it was literal. Next thing I knew I was hearing, “with us is Bomani Jones….”
And man, I got scared to death, jack. Every nerve in my body popped up. I figured I’d have a chance to thank the folks for having me or something, which would relax me a little bit.
Nope. Shot the folk straight out of a cannon.
And while I was talking, I sounded nervous to myself. But generally, my nerves aren’t detectable to other people. I keep that on the low like that. But there were a couple of points I thought to my self, “self, you sound like you’ve got Tourette’s.”
That’s not good to think when you’re the person on television with your neck immobile and damn near everyone you know watching.
But we got through that one okay, and I felt pretty comfortable the rest of the way. Called my brother immediately after the show was done, and he told me I did a good job and that time would allow me to develop a comfort and personal TV persona.
That was important because my brother is straighter with me than anyone else. If something’s good, he’ll let me know. If it’s bad, he’ll let me know. But most importantly–if it’s good with things that need to be improved, he’ll let me know both.
And he said it was good and was chill outside of that. That felt good.
As did the 17 text messages I got between turning off my phone a couple of minutes before the airing and turning it back on when I got to my car immediately after.
Good times for me.
Now, let’s answer a few questions I’ve received.
1. I’m not sure if online footage will be available of this one. Not sure this is on Youtube (hint).
2. No, I did not deepen my voice on purpose. Just worked out that way. And when I’m not animated, my voice is usually around that pitch.
3. The facial expression thing was tricky. There was only so much fun to be had with a topic like this. Figured keeping it level was the best way to get the point across, particularly when dealing with a sordid set of events. And when you’re nervous, the most readily accessible facial expression is the one that says, “I think I just peed on myself.”
4. I think people liked my suit more than me. More people commented on the suit than anything else. Moral of the story–don’t be afraid of buying threads on the Internet.
5. Ben came online and called me “blinky.” Up yours, Ben. But yeah, that was definitely real on his part. It’s wild takling to a camera like it’s a person. Just strange in a way that’s hard to explain. Much easier when the person asking questions is right off camera. Much more comfortable.
6. The questions on shows like this are sent to the participants in advance. So if you’re wondering why I didn’t talk about (insert issue here),. that’s not my call. They give questions, I give answers. There’s really nothing I hate more than when people get on TV and reach to bring up a pet topic and disturb the flow of things.
7. I told people it was gonna be three minutes on the air, and it wound up being two. That’s what happens when Tiger’s starting to do things in The Masters, good or bad.
8. Will I be back on the air? Not my call. I’d like to, though. A lot.
And I’m done. Maybe two joints this week, but definitely one on a scourge infiltrating sports–crotch punching.
That’s right–the G Code will return.