Now that I’m free of contractual obligations, I can talk about sports on here now.  I generally avoided it because I worked for someone else to talk about sports.  Well, not anymore.
Anyway, saw Mercury Morris on ESPN yesterday rapping.  Yes, this old man was rapping.  Spittin’ bars.  It was some “Super Bowl Shuffle” shit, but it was an old man rhyming nonetheless.
Forgive me, but I don’t think he came up with that idea on his own.  He’s on that straight “get off my grass” now.  I can just see him trying to beat a teenager up with a newspaper for parking in the handicap spot at the mall.  That dude isn’t typically a fan of the rap music.  In fact, those old cats may have marched with Dr. King and sing “Black is Beautiful” at birthday parties, but they’ll let something slip about the “jungle” when they hear Run-DMC.
Yet there was Mercury Morris on SportsCenter rapping.
I say this because I respect the game, and because I think old people should be treated nicely.
(Ahem)
Whoever pulled Mr. Morris to the side and suggested that he go on television and rap needs to man up and offer that old man a heartfelt apology.  That was oh so wrong.  Buddy was actually half-decent on the mic, but he looked every bit of ridiculous.  And it’s wrong to ask old people to do things to make themselves look ridiculous.
Morris has been all over television lately, and it’s made me uncomfortable.  It’s like he’s a character from an alternate version of “West Side Story” (you know, a version with black people).  All this ’50s-type tough talk about how good his old football team is.  Seriously–it’s been 35 years.  Even though Morris is talking about a feat from professional football, there’s still a “I scored four touchdowns, not in a season, but one game” vibe to this.  You’d think Morris hasn’t done anything since 1972.
Morris works as a motivational speaker, so I’m certain he’s made a far greater contribution to the world than just playing on a good football team.  But would you know that from seeing him on TV?  I don’t think so.
For real, he’s rapping now.  He called the Patriots “busters.”  Busters!  People only still say “buster” facetiously.  Except MC Mercury.  Dag Hance, you gotta hurry up and get on before people start mixing you up with the other Mercury.
This is just wrong.  It’s a really bad look, and this feels like exploitation.
So, it’s on us to keep him off the tube.  Just because he wants to be on TV doesn’t mean you should let him.  This has gotten out of hand.