So, I’m up. I don’t, yanno, have anything to do, but I’m awake. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to unemployment.
This isn’t funemployment like the previous run. I already clocked my last check — I think — and it’s dreary outside. I may schedule a massage for later today. After all, as previously discussed, unemployment is really, really stressful and inconvenient.
This actually reminds me of a day when Petey Green was in high school. I get up early every day because daylight is to be maximized. Gotta handle what you can while the sun’s looking at you wondering why you’re not doing anything. Peter…well, he was a teenager. Anyway, it’s like 9 am one day, and he hits me on AIM and says, “I’ve already read the newspaper twice, so what else is it you people do at this time of day?”
My answer, at that time, was work. My answer now? Eh, that’s a great question. So, I’ve come up with a few things.
1. Sell t-shirts. That’s right: we’re having a one-day sale at BEATEMDOWN2011.com. Make your order today by midnight, and you’ll get $5 off each shirt you order. Technically, it’s 33% off because of the system, so please don’t quibble over the nickel in dispute. We’ve got the colors below, plus royal blue, in the new design. We also have the original megaphone design in black and white.

2. Get a massage. Like I said, this is stressful.
3. Clean the house. But what to do when it gets junky again tomorrow?
4. Fold clothes. Because the dryer isn’t officially a storage unit.
5. Get a haircut. Ehhh, the Monday crew at the barber shop? That’s like the Tuesday crew at Magic City. And unlike the spot on Spring Street, hard work won’t make up for b-team status.
6. Practice the guitar. Haven’t played that thing in months. That said, I’m not sure I feel like being humbled at a time like this.
7. Read a book. Then after I read the ones on my to-do list, I’ll need to buy books. While unemployment. You see the dilemma here?
8. Show up at my friends’ jobs. Think I’m playing. Catch me on the right day and throw me the address, and I will come hang out at your job. Why not?
9. Get on Ustream. Well, we’ll do that today…at 9 pm Eastern. Talking college football, answering questions, all that fun stuff.
10. Write a blog post. Done. So now what?
Eh, don’t overreact. I’m good. But really, the last thing the world wants is me with a bunch of free time. Why? Take it to the :40 mark.

THERE’S NOTHING ELSE TO DO, SAL!