Two posts in one day? Yes.
Why? Because apparently, some cats just don’t understand some basic tenets of living in this world. In particular, that Kobe Bryant.
And the tenets that govern much of our lives is a little something called The G-Code.
There isn’t enough space on here to talk about the whole thing, but here’s a major part of it.
DO NOT DRAG ANOTHER MAN UNDERWATER TO STOP FROM DROWNING

If you don’t know the story, click here. If you’re not registered to the LA Times, go ahead and do it. It’s free, and it’s essential reading for this one.
Long of the short…while talking to the fuzz about his, shall we say, marital transgression at the Cordillera in Eagle, Kobe decided to tell Johnny Law that he should have handled this little problem the way he says that Shaquille O’Neal would.
“Hours after his sexual encounter with a hotel employee in Colorado, Kobe Bryant told investigators that Shaquille O’Neal, his Laker teammate at the time, had paid up to $1 million to women to keep them quiet about “situations like this,” according to a police report.”
But wait…it gets better!
“‘Bryant made a comment to us about what another teammate does in situations like these,” Winters wrote. “Bryant stated he should have done what Shaq (Shaquille O’Neal) does. Bryant stated that Shaq would pay his women not to say anything. He stated Shaq has paid up to a million dollars already for situations like this. He stated he, Bryant, treats a woman with respect, therefore they shouldn’t say anything.'”
Whoa buddy…
First, we don’t know if this is true. It’s entirely possible that what he’s saying about Shaq is true, but I won’t begin to speculate on that. Cats do plenty of dirt, and cats with money are quicker to pay money to cover up the dirt because money is what they have in long supply (call it comparative advantage, economists). At the same time, cats with long bread are more likely to be accused of doing things (a point that adds doubt to the idea that Kobe was guilty of sexual assault).
But see, whether it was true or not is an irrelevant point to me. If Shaq did it, that’s on him and should be handled accordingly by his wife, the authorities, whoever. However, this wasn’t information Kobe should have been sharing with Johnny Law, Jane Wife, or anybody else. That was none of his beeswax, jack.
What he did was a blatant, flagrant, unforgivable violation of The G-Code.
Unfamiliar with The G-Code? The G-Code is really an extension of The Golden Rule. But more than anything, it outlines rules that preserve every person’s hustle. That preservation is actually rather Lockian (as in John…not up on philosophy, get a quick look at the Social Contract, prominently mentioned in The Second Treatise of Government). Basically, in order to live freely, we give up the right to unnecessarily interfere with the lives of others. Ceding that right protects each individual from having their lives infringed upon, and that’s because everyone cedes that right. When that cession is violated, there should be serious repercussions in place to keep the system operational.
In layman’s, it rolls like this…don’t mess with me, and I won’t mess with you.
Corollary to that point is this–if you have nothing to gain from bringing me down, then you really need to leave mine alone.
So, after the police shined that light in Kobe’s face, he began to detail his encounter with a still-unnamed young lady. After detectives turned their tape recorders off, he began to vent that he should do the things I put in quotes above.
Now, what in the world was he going to get from doing this? As far as his case is concerned, that would have to do the the politically incorrect price of tea in a far away nation with a billion inhabitants.
It did nothing. But he said it.
And we know why he did it.
Johnny Law is scary. When the fuzz hems you up–and they’ve hemmed me a few times, and money says they’ve hemmed you, also–you answer the questions. However, you say nothing more than what is asked. Be very careful about saying too little (for fear of the wood shampoo, courtesy of Mr. Do-Right), but never say more than is asked. NEVER. I would say that you don’t snitch, but that’s a much trickier situation. This didn’t even involve the cost/benefit of saving your own behind vis-a-vis maintaining some honor amongst thieves.
But Kobe sang…and he sang a song that wasn’t even requested. If the man asks you to sing “Happy Birthday,” you don’t rip into your best rendition of “Let’s Get It On.” Man, the fuzz was there to send Kobe’s black ass to jail. Unless Shaq made a trip to Eagle County that no one knows about, that wasn’t going to get those cops off his scent. All it did was give them a good story to tell at poker night and leave an interesting detail in the court records.
So, Kobe Bean had nothing to gain at all from singing this song. They wanted “Happy Birthday.” He could have sang Stevie’s version off Hotter Than July, for all anyone cared. But tattling? C’mon, bruh…get with the Code.
The Code explicitly says that you do NOT drag another man down to save yourself. Snitching is a code violation, but it’s nuanced. This is a red-letter foul. This was completely unnecessary.
And such behavior must stop now.
Why am I so hot about this? Because I can live my life safely because of The G-Code. I can live without unnecessary interference because The G-Code protects me. But clearly, cats don’t either don’t know the Code or simply don’t respect it.
That must stop.
What should we do? Ernesto, AD, and I have discussed writing The Code down and distributing it as widely as possible. That’s a big job, though. We may need help.
So what should we do? Does there need to be a Code Convention or something, a la America’s founding fathers? Do we need to convene and discuss this?
The real fun will be when he hits arenas across America. Batteries might be thrown. The boos will surely cascade like Victoria Falls. All men in attendance will treat him with scorn. That list of men includes G-Code violators like him. Violators want the Code’s protection, even if they don’t grant it.
Yes, Kobe will be hated by fellow haters. Not sure where he’s going to find friends.
Can you imagine how tight-lipped the locker room is going to get when Kobe rolls in from now on? He’ll be like Fredo at Mama Corleone’s memorial service. That said, he need be afraid of a hug from his “brother.”
You don’t do this, man. You don’t put a man’s business out there. And if this stuff about Shaq is not true, you don’t lie on another man to save yourself. That’s an incorrigible sin.
And it didn’t even help him out. He got nothing from it.
Getouttayere.
Anyone seen wearing a #8 jersey in purple and gold should have to ask themselves what they emulate. They wear the mark of haterism on their backs, making them suckers of the n-th degree. It wouldn’t be me, jack. If it’s you, you must really love purple and gold. Get a PV jersey instead if you just gotta have the color scheme.
In closing, The Code is in danger. It must be protected. Please, help me help The G-Code. Help me save our freedoms. Help me allow men to live as they please.
Something must be done.
Now.