Okay, nothing says unintentional humor like a trip to a Chinese buffet.  Always guaranteed to see something.  Usually, it’s jheri curls and things like that.  Nothing says “ha!” like a curl.
So today, we saw the following…
1.  A slew of poorly dressed children.
It’s bad enough the kids are being taught gluttony in it’s best/worst form.  But to force them to do so in shorts so loud that I almost took a cameraphone shot of a 6 year-old?  Or the lil sucker in the orange t-shirt and red shorts?  That’s foul, man.  Just foul.
2.  A 6-foot tall woman with a mullet.
You read that right.
3.  The oddest couple.
A fortysomething white man in a Hawaiian shirt and the black woman wearing a way too tight shirt, way too tight way too shorts, and some contacts that didn’t even pretend to be a potentially natural eye color for her.  At first, we wondered if he was her p.o.  Then we realized he was her date.  Hey man, nothing says classy date like the buffet!  That’s why I take my girlfriend there all the time.  Plus, they take coupons.
4.  The demanding couple.
I’m not sure, but i think I heard two sizable ladies ask the folks at the buffet to give them chairs they could put right up to the buffet tables.  Okay, they really just asked for a booth closer to the buffet.  But how funny would it have been had they asked to sit right up near all that Asian goodness?  That would be funnier than the time the Seuss got kicked out of Cici’s for getting more than his $4 worth.
5.  A previous classic from the buffet.
First time we went, a lady asked what I wanted to drink.  I said “Coke.”  Her response?  “Sweet tea?”  Something told me to just take the tea.  Good thing I did, too.  Next time I went, I found out the “Coke” was actually Pepsi.  Lesson to all of you restaurant owners–this is the South.  We drink Coke.  We call every drink “Coke.”  Every vending machine is a “Coke machine.”  Give us Coke.  That’s what we do.  That’s how we do.  And we’re offended by anything else.
6.  A buffet observation.
Is it just me, or are black people entranced by shrimp in a way that others aren’t?  I feel some obligation when I’m at the buffet to eat as many shrimp as I possibly can, as if I’m getting over by eating all that shrimp.  It’s not good shrimp.  It’s just shrimp.  But I do love me some scrimp.  And if it’s all I can eat, I’m gonna eat all I can stand.  Or at least all I can stand while still having room for some red Jell-O.  My affection for Jell-O is pretty strong, I must say.
Man, I wish the buffet was open 24 hours.  I’d be in that piece right now.  Seriously, could you imagine the late night crowd at the Chinese buffet?  It would make the old IHOP on Courtland in Atlanta look like the dining hall at a country club.  If you don’t know about that IHOP, just ask somebody from Atlanta or anyone that went to an AUC school.  I assure you they have a story.
Yeah, I really should be asleep.  ‘Til tomorrow…