Business…check this admission that Nike has won control over my basketball mind.
Moving on, I was gonna do a list of 25 slept-on cities today. I might still do that later since it’s such a public service. I mean, I don’t want anybody talkin’ too much noise in Port Arthur, Miami, or Newport News without knowing that the boys in said places don’t play no games. But that’s for later.
Today, I’m going through the numbers and naming one of my favorite players ever that wore a given number. Call this a dream team of sorts. The number I choose for each player will be from a cat’s most noteworthy stop. So if he made this list, I’d use Roger Clemens’ Red Sox 21 instead of his Astros 22.
1. Ozzie Smith, St. Louis Cardinals. Young folks–you haven’t seen defense until you’ve see Ozzie play shortstop. The most amazing thing I saw from him was a feature he did with ESPN where he would throw the ball from short to first without looking, but still hit the middle of the glove every time. Unfair.
2. Charles Woodson, Michigan. I wasn’t really the biggest Woodson fan, but him winning the Heisman over Peyton Manning in ’97 made me smile. I like Peyton more than I used to, but it was impossible to tolerate him while living in Atlanta.
3. Dale Murphy. Childhood hero. If you were a Braves fan during the ’80s, Murph was ’bout the only reason for happiness.
4. Chris Webber, Michigan. In spite of all his shortcomings, he still gets this spot. Before that timeout, he was the coolest dude I’d ever seen play college basketball. Now? Let’s talk about something else.
5. Reggie Bush, USC. Most exciting college football player I’ve ever seen. I can only do this because USC lost the Rose Bowl, though.
6. Avery Johnson, pick-a-team. Because of family ties, I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for the arrogant bastards at Southern University. Plus, I don’t know how you can’t have a serious respect for all that Avery’s pulled off.
7. Michael Vick, Virginia Tech. I love Vick the Falcon, but the ’99 Sugar Bowl remains one of the most incredible one-man performances I’ve ever seen, even though the Hokies lost.
8. Steve Young, 49ers. If you’re willing to run a play without a helmet, the least I can do is put you on this list.
9. Terry Pendleton, Braves. 1991 NL MVP!!! Did I mention I’m a huge Braves fan?
10. Vincent Young, Texas. Vick in the Sugar Bowl was one of the best one-man performances I’d ever seen. Vince in the Rose Bowl might be the greatest one-man performance in college football history.
11. Isiah Thomas, Pistons. I actually don’t like Zeke that much as a person, but I absolutely love his game.
12. Joe Namath, New York Jets. Super Bowl III was okay. But those clips of Joe on the sidelines in that white fur coat? That’s ’bout as cool as it gets.
13. Wilt Chamberlain. Thought about Dan Marino, but nope. I’ll take the Dipper.
14.
15. Tommie Frazier. Favorite college quarterback ever.
16. Bo Jackson, Royals. When you’re a kid and your name is Bo, it’s not hard to find a favorite player. It just so happened that Bo was just gross.
17. Charlie Ward, Florida State. Coincidentally, he’s a bit of a family friend. Even if he weren’t, he’d be one of the illest. Honorable mention–Doug Williams.
18. Randy Moss, Raiders. He’s an absolute moron. One of this new breed that’s too stupid to lie. But goodness, he’s one of the few players I want to see play every game, no matter the opponent.
19. You tell me. Can’t think of anyone, but I ain’t listin Keyshawn. I’m just not.
20. Barry Sanders, Lions. I would prefer to list is Oklahoma State 21, but that number’s taken. Unfair, Barry was.
21. Dominique Wilkins, Hawks. I’ve been star-struck twice in my life. The first was when I saw Chuck D. hangin’ at Lenox. The other was seeing ‘Nique in the same place, walking through the mall and being mobbed like he was the king of the city. That’s because he is the king of Atlanta.
22. Clyde Drexler, Blazers. You know you’re the Man when you can’t dribble with your head up but people still can’t stop you.
23. LeBron James, Cavaliers. Sorry, Mike. You’ve been trumped. If Jordan hadn’t said that ridiculous “Republicans buy shoes, too” line, he might have gotten to keep his place.
**Note–that link’s just to provide citation for that Jordan quote. The rest of it, I’m not endorsing.**
24. Ken Griffey, Jr., Mariners. Not sure anyone’s made something as hard as playing baseball look so damn easy.
25. Barry Bonds, Giants. Greatest baseball player of this generation. Period.