I’ve been planning to do this one for months now. Finally, it’ll happen. That’s right–25 ways to refer to beating someone up. Add your own in the comments.
I’ll whoop your ass. It’s classic, if nothing else. Everyone knows just what you’re talking about when you say this.
I’ll beat you like you stole something. Also an oldie but goodie. Have you ever gotten your hands on someone that stole from you? I have. It’s a real beatdown that follows that.
I’ll give you the work. “The work” is a versatile term, probably deserving of its own list. But in this instance, it means you handled somebody for real. For example, Fred gave Ness the work on “Making the Band.”
‘I’ll stomp a mudhole in you. I’ve always understood the hole part. But a mudhole? Never got that. But if I say that, you’ll get it. Dig?
I’ll bust yo head to the white meat. For some reason, we’re satisfied getting to the white meat. Ever notice that? Either way, this is indicative of a serious beating.
I’ll knock the black/white/brown/yellow off you. That’s right…I’ll make you raceless with these hands.
I’ll beat the brakes off you. Didn’t hear this one until I got to Atlanta. I’m so glad I did.
I’ll make you read these Nikes. Props to Willie D. from the Geto Boys. If you don’t get it, just think about it.
I’ll give you a $3 haircut. Courtesy of my brother. In other words, I’ll fuck your head up.
I’ll knock some sense in you. But I’ll do so by knocking sense out of you. What a concept!
I’ll shake the sense out ya. Guess the decision of which of these last two to use depends on how much sense the victim is starting with.
I’ll light yo ass up. Another oldie but goodie. Not used nearly enough. Very versatile.
I’ll beat you like a rented mule. Which is way worse than being treated like a rental car.
I will knock the dog shit out of you. Why dog? Who knows? But most interesting is how we can knock things out of you and into you while meaning the same thing.
I’ll beat you til you say Uncle. Never understood this one, to be honest.
I’ll give you a knuckle sandwich. Another oldie but goodie.
I’ll break my foot off in yo ass. Shouts to John Amos.
I’ll mop up the floor with you. Shouts to Trick Daddy Dollars.
I’ll cave your chest in. With the corollary…
I’ll punch you so hard in the chest your shoulders’ll touch..
I’ll smack the taste out ya mouth. That’s a serious smackin’.
I’ll beat you like I’m your daddy. This is probably the most demeaning thing you can say to someone.
I’ll leave you touched. This works better when the beatdown is outsourced, but it still works.
I’ll run up the score on you. As I ran low on idioms, I decided to make one up.
I’ll whoop yo ass. Worth stating twice.
International Baba Day is tomorrow. Party tonight at the estate if you’re in Durham. Let the folk know if you wanna come enjoy some of this good potluck around 7:30. Afterparty starts around 11:30 and leads into midnight madness.