Business…check out this wild game hunt I had to go on to find the hockey fans ’round these parts.
(And forgive me for being ghost lately…been busy and all that stuff.)
Greetings from Itta Bena, Mississippi, the collegiate home of Jerry Rice, Willie Totten and Ashley Ambrose. I’m back in the Delta for my niece’s high school graduation. If you remember when I came down last year for my nephew’s graduation, then you know there will be a post on this on Monday.
So coming over here required a lot of flying. The good thing about that was it allowed me to get into the infamous Game of Shadows, and I’ll have more on that later. But the airport always has this way of reminding me of how inconsiderate other people can be. People frequently do things on planes they ain’t got no business doing. Just too much of it.
What are those things? They are sprinkled on this list of things that are gonna change when I take over the world. Emperor Baba’s got a lot in mind, lemme tell ya.
No small children on airplanes. That’s right. If you can’t get the lil sucker where he needs to go in a car, then you’re SOL. I should not spend three hours listening to your kid scream just because you want your parents to see him. Send Granny and Grampa tickets and tell ’em to come to your house. But when that lil joker decides he wants to cry and kick the seat in front of him and throw stuff, your lil joker becomes our problem. And i ain’t got the time for it. Shut it down. Shut it shut it down.
All questions in academic settings must be submitted a day in advance. I love people. I really do. But I’ll never forget this time in college when my class was discussing the legacies of DuBois and Booker T. One side of the argument said that Booker T. was a realist that understood the limited areas where blacks could advance academically and couched his platform from there. Others said that Booker T’s focus of vocation reinforced notions of inferiority among black folks.
Up popped this one girl.
“Well, if the black people felt inferior, couldn’t they just for support groups to talk about their problems?”
Only thing funnier than that was when she had some perspective on why Maya Angelou didn’t participate in the Harlem Renaissance that didn’t involve the fact that Angelou wasn’t born until 1928.
To prevent this, questions must be screened. This way, I don’t laugh in people’s faces.
Everyone will have wireless in their homes. Being tethered to my daddy’s computer? Not the heat. At all. And while we’re on it…
Every PC user must have Firefox. IE’s droppin like a brick, baby. I need those tabs.
Cashiers are required to say one word per transaction. No more of this shit where I go to the drive-thru and the folk at the window just look at you. Don’t give you a total or nothing. Just a stare and an extended arm displaying a cheaply done tattoo on the forearm, which I’m beginning to think is a prerequisite for food service in black neighborhoods. Either way, at least mumble a “hello” or something. Where I’m from, we get nervous when people look at us and don’t say anything. And where am I from? Earth. That’s where.
Day minutes and night minutes will all be the same. The phone companies have been jobbing on this for decades. Straight hustle. The strange part–that day minutes are verboten actually makes us want to use them more. Really, aren’t you at work?
All unattractive people will be required by law to have sweet dispositions. Sorry, but I don’t know where ugly people get off having bad attitudes. I mean, they’re entitled…but there’s no way in the world I’m gonna take the time to find out the goodness in your soul if I can’t stand to look at or listen to you.
Chappelle’s Show will be back on the air per my mandate. Hey Dave, you’re worried about how white people responded to the show and that’s why you stopped recording episodes? We’ve got ways around that. If this is what it takes to get you back on the air, Emperor Baba will make it illegal for white people to watch Chappelle’s Show, kinda like it was illegal for slaves to read. Why? Because without that show, I realized that all I watch on television is Law and Order and sports. I need some chuckles in my life, and I’ll do what I gotta do to get ’em.
Duke would go 35-4 in basketball every year. I take general pleasure when Duke loses to anyone because, well, I’m a good human being. Good people don’t like Duke. However, there’s a particular satisfaction that comes from beating Duke while they’re trouncing everyone else. So yeah, I think I’d be much happier if Duke beat everyone…but lost to Carolina at Cameron, in the Dean Dome, at the ACC Tourney, and somewhere along the way toward the NCAA championship.
(Okay, I’m lying. I hope they lose every game they play. There, I said it. You happy now?)
I’d make it much easier to come up with an artist to do a top 25 list for. Been really slacking on that lately. I did a couple lists before and realized that I just didn’t have the knowledge base to the the things properly. That being said, I’m surely doing something music related next week. Just what? Not sure. Maybe 25 Dr. Dre classics.